Humorous Quotes

"I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun."

"As a cure for worrying, work is better than whisky."

"I do not know the American gentleman, god forgive me for putting two such words together."

"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith."

"Perfection of means and confusion of ends seems to characterize our age."

"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last."

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."

"I owe my solitude to other people."

"Trying to define yourself is like trying to bite your own teeth."

"I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught."

"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."

"I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."